white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
