Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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