atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
