I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
