i don't want you to think of me as your TA
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
