I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Randomize
