I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
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