i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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