She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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