I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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