Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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