im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
