They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
