my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
