I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
