Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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