he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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