I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
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