Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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