Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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