I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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