I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I'm passing your future prison.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
