I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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