There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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