Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Randomize
