He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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