She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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