So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
