i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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