When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
