So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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