I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
