I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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