Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
