Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
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