Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
