All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
