Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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