Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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