He disabled his match.com account in front of me
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
