It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
