if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
