Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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