Betty ford says i'm here all night
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
