Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
