so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
