Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
