We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
