My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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