I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
