i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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