Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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