it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
