they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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