You just made me feel so damn special
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
