Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
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