I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
