its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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