hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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