in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
