he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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