Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
